beehammer | How Daredevil could go full comics

(archived from tumblr)

I feel like now that Daredevil has established that Madame Gao is still hanging around, doing her thing, we could actually maybe get some non-racist, perfectly ridiculous goon-swarms going.

Like, she’s clearly a charismatic leader, she runs a bustling drug-trade empire with lots of cash and a rolodex full of people up to their eyeballs in debt or wanting a free month’s worth of drugs, and she seems to take at least pretending to be polite about shit pretty seriously. And Matt just will not fucking stop kicking down her doors and beating up her henchmen and being super-rude about everything.

So, you know, just like once a month, she checks her Annoying Vigilante Calendar and sees what he’s up to, calls in one of her more creative lieutenants, and tells him she wants word put on the street about something Daredevil won’t be able to resist investigating. Also, she wants fifty people they can afford to lose to dress up like the cast of Evil Dead and be waiting for him at the bait-address where the fake dog-napping ring or whatever is supposed to be. Matt shows up, kicks down the door, and suddenly there are guys with chainsaws and people pretending to be zombies and somebody threw pig’s blood (?!) on him and then ran away and he does not understand what’s going on but there are dogs to be saved, so he’s going to fight his way through it come hell or high water or ten guys who appear to be walking trees okay this has got to be a dream.

Meanwhile she’s just watching this on a livestream and laughing her ass off, and it’s almost as good as the time she got a bunch of shriners, complete with miniature cars, to take him on for what they thought was a charity bout.

After half a year of this, Matt’s about to have a nervous breakdown because seriously, what the fuck is even going on in this town, and Karen keeps insisting that no, Matt, I swear on a stack of Bibles that there isn’t a gang of villainous Harlem Globetrotter-wannabes with attacks based on trick-basketball moves carving out territory in Hell’s Kitchen, I think someone besides you would have seen them by now if they were, why would that even be a thing? Claire hung up on him after the “evil clowns” call, and Foggy told him to stop falling asleep watching the news after the time with the Sexy Avengers, and Madame Gao’s expanding video library of Daredevil’s Greatest Hits is proving surprisingly popular with all the guys he keeps punching in the face because Daredevil doesn’t do doorbells.