beehammer

All the fic

2019-08-10T14:57:15Z

So I've spent the past six weeks doing little but writing Good Omens fic, as you do, when it's too hot to do anything and it's raining every day anyway and your ISP takes one week of that to get you back online when your box gives out.

So, without further ado:

Back Room
T-rated, 5.6k Aziraphale/Crowley

Aziraphale actually does have quite an extensive collection of pornography in the bookshop. Like most of the questionable things in Aziraphale’s life, it’s Crowley’s fault.

Ink Stains
M-rated, 6.1k Aziraphale/Crowley

Angels can sense love. Too bad they can also sense when there’s a decided lack of it. Crowley’s motives behind putting in an appearance are, as always, somewhat questionable.

Downpour
T-rated, 8.8k Aziraphale/Crowley

Crowley and the cold make for one hell of a combination, and Aziraphale could have gone another six thousand years without knowing it.

“You show up after hours, out of the blue and frozen half-solid, drip a gallon of rain water all over my kitchenette, and all I get by way of explanation is a half-hearted ngh,” Aziraphale sighed.

“‘s what I get for--” Crowley shuddered, and Aziraphale reached up and tugged the blankets back into place. “--taking public transport.”

Cry for Absolution
T-rated, 20k Aziraphale/Crowley

After spending six thousand years in Aziraphale’s company, the only thing Crowley’s sure of is that he can’t touch the angel without hurting him. Too bad he never bothered asking Aziraphale about it.

If Crowley could still feel the soft give of rich cloth under his clenched fists, surely Aziraphale could still feel the scorching heat of a demon’s hands on his skin.

If they made it out of this alive, Crowley decided, if there was anything left of the world afterwards, he’d be damned a second time if he ever put his hands on the angel again.

Come in from the Cold
E-rated, 7.5k Aziraphale/Crowley

Crowley’s little demonic miracle with the books lets Aziraphale stop worrying about whether or not Crowley loves him back and just get on with it for once.

Any other night, Aziraphale might have let Crowley go, circled back to him in a bit, tried to mend things without being too forward about it. But it was tonight, and Aziraphale had come perilously close to being discorporated for God only knew how long, and Crowley had still, after all this time, thought to save his books--and Crowley was still, after all this time, thinking about holy water.

They've all got their pining and angst and getting together, and there's more where that came from because it's still too hot and rainy to do much of anything.

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New fic up on AO3!

2019-06-27T21:25:12Z

"Back Room"

Aziraphale/Crowley getting together; T-rated & 5.6k

Aziraphale actually does have quite an extensive collection of pornography in the bookshop. Like most of the questionable things in Aziraphale’s life, it’s Crowley’s fault.

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New fic up on AO3!

2019-04-03T00:45:12Z

"Overclocked"

Bruce Wayne/Hal Jordan enemies-to-lovers fic; 14k & rated M.

There were worse things in the world than spending three days working through the lingering effects of Scarecrow’s latest rampage, Hal was sure. For instance, having to ask Bruce for help. Also on the list? Having to deal with his feelings.

Hal looked at the contraption in his hand. It reminded him of nothing so much as an epi-pen, which he also had no idea how to use. “So you just… have this. On hand. Ready to go.”

“One doesn’t earn the coveted title of Mr. Contingency Plan by being unprepared,” Bruce told him, and Hal winced. He hadn’t meant for Bruce to overhear that, had he? Then again, he’d said it loud enough that any Martians left kicking it in their ruins had probably heard him, over Barry’s strenuous and utterly futile attempts to get him to pipe down, so he hadn’t exactly not meant for Bruce to hear it, either. “Instructions are on the package, and there’s a bathroom just down the hall to your left if you’d prefer to administer it in private.”

If Hal wanted someplace to get his shit together for a few seconds, Bruce meant.

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New fic up on AO3!

2019-02-07T00:32:15Z

"Know Thyself"

Matt Murdock/Foggy Nelson getting together fic; 7.7k & rated T

Matt’s not at law school to make friends. Unfortunately, no one told his roommate that.
Foggy had apologized for waking Matt up, once he’d realized that Matt wasn’t asleep. Instead of telling Foggy that he hadn’t been asleep, hadn’t been able to shake the thought of Foggy dead in a ditch somewhere, Matt had told him not to worry about it. Foggy, of course--blithe, happy-go-lucky Foggy--had taken him at his word, and hadn’t worried about it.
It would be easier, if Matt actually wasn’t worrying about it. One little form, and Matt could have his protective bubble back. One little form, and he could put all his focus back on his studies. One little form, and he’d have absolutely no idea where Foggy was or what Foggy was doing.
It would be a relief, really. For both of them, Matt was sure.

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I mean, Bat-Cow is a thing

2019-02-02T01:09:08Z

(archived from tumblr)

Given that Bat-Cow is a real legitimate thing that actually happened, I feel like Red Hood needs a goat. Like, a foul-tempered, vaguely sinister, apparently-completely-normal goat that Damien runs across on some mission, and everybody else calls “Not it” before Jason even knows what’s going on, and suddenly he’s got a goat.

And he tries to leave the goat at the manor, but he gets home and finds the goat in his walk-up, somehow. All the doors and windows are still locked, security system hasn’t been tripped, nobody will admit to having put it there.

“You’re telling me that not one of you is responsible for this. That a goat somehow got itself down ten miles of subway, navigated a switchover to the el-train, climbed six flights of stairs, let itself in, and then locked back up afterwards.”

“Goats are very nimble, Jason.”

And he keeps trying to leave it with petting zoos, but it’s the same thing every time, it always winds up back at his place. Maybe he eventually grudgingly accepts it because it is kind of nice to come home to someone, even if it is just a goat, and it is kind of helpful. He’s lost count of the number of times he’s come home to find that somebody’s clearly broken in--maybe just a thief, maybe someone after him specifically, but whoever they were they got headbutted right back out a window for their trouble.

The goat’s never the worse for wear.

Then he winds up in serious trouble, and in swoops the whole rest of the family at the last second, and he’s like “How’d you find me?” because he’s an independent vigilante who is not wearing a bat-tracker, dad. And Bruce just looks pained and says it doesn’t matter, and Dick does his best to be very serious and tells him that Hood-Goat told them Jason was in trouble, and Barbara’s just like “We’re not calling it that.”

(They are totally calling it that. Turns out it’s really hard to come up with good nicknames based off “Red Hood,” and neither Bruce nor Jason will accept Bat-Goat.)

Jason doesn’t believe them. Tim and Steph immediately whip out their phones and show him videographic evidence, which in this case amounts to the goat jumping around the cave and waving his favorite leather jacket--now half-eaten--around like a flag. Which, okay, is one of the weirdest things he’s seen in a month, and doesn’t explain how the fucking goat got from his apartment to the batcave, but he’s like “Okay, sure, but how’d you find me?”.

Steph fast-fowards to the part where the goat headbutts a map case open and stamps its hoof on the warehouse they’re all standing in right now, and Jason’s just looking at the goat, who is of course now loitering in the background like there’s nothing unusual about this at all, and going “You guys didn’t bring it with you, did you?”

And then Jason’s looking at Bruce, because of course they didn’t bring the goat with them, and going “Do you think maybe Zatanna could...?”

And Bruce is like “It’s your goat, Jason. Part of being a responsible adult is arranging for its exorcisms yourself.”

Meanwhile Damien’s assuring the goat that it’s just perfect the way it is and probably doesn’t need the devil cast out of it.

Then the outlaws phase hits, and Roy is just so unbelievably stoked about the goat, and Jason realizes that he's stuck in a live-action reenactment of Goat Simulator. And he is so 1000% done with life. Every time one of the other Robins or Bruce asks him for help, he just texts a picture of the goat in yet another Arsenal-provided get-up and tells them that they did this to him and he's never helping them again.

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New fic up on AO3!

2019-02-02T00:58:49Z

"Stray Dogs"

Frank Castle/Foggy Nelson enemies to lovers fic; 19k & rated E

Things would be easier, if Daredevil and his pair of shadows could find a hobby that doesn't involve getting in Frank's way or being a thorn in Frank's side. Things would be easier, if Murdock could take care of his own. Things would be easier, if Frank could dig the three of them back out from under his skin.
There aren’t words for it, what Frank wants. Murdock thinks if he just keeps Page and Nelson at arm’s length, if he doesn’t let himself have friends, then they won’t get hurt. Something taught him early and hard that bad things happen to the people who love him; if he can manage how close they get, they’ll be safer. Frank knows better--they aren’t getting out of this alive any more than he and Red are. They might go out quicker, might last a little longer; at the end of the day, they’re not the sort of people who make it. But if it could just not happen tonight, if Frank could close his eyes this once and know it wouldn’t happen while he slept, that would be a mercy.

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New fic up on AO3!

2018-12-21T02:42:00Z

"I'll Be Home for Christmas"

Matt Murdock/Foggy Nelson Hallmark Christmas movie AU; 25k & rated G

Franklin “Foggy” Nelson is a slick New York City attorney whose parents may literally die of heartbreak if he doesn’t make it to their new home in some sleepy village in North Country for Christmas.
Matt's a small-town lawyer with a prickly exterior and a heart waiting to be melted, if only Foggy can figure out a way to keep his foot out of his mouth for five seconds.
Unfortunately, Foggy's job tends to follow him around like a lost puppy, and Matt has his reasons for not trusting the holidays.
“Aren't you with Landman & Zack?” Karen asks. “Or did I hear your parents wrong?”
“I interned with them,” Foggy clarifies, “and they did offer me a position afterwards, but I wound up with HC&B instead.”
“Because Landman & Zack are basically supervillains?” Karen hazards.
“I signed about fifteen different non-disclosure agreements that prevent me from agreeing with that assessment in public,” Foggy tells her, and Matt huffs a laugh, something Foggy wasn’t sure he was capable of. It’s a nice laugh, and Foggy wants to hear it again.

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