The Supervillain Team-Up
Jan. 21st, 2019 02:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beehammerI just want to see one of those dopey supervillain team-up things where instead of everybody being like “All right, time to fight us some heroes!”, every last one of them has an existential crisis because somebody lumped them in with the rest of these fucks.
Dr. Doom’s all “Doom will usher in a new age, a golden utopia, free from the burden of want or indecision or petty dissent! Doom knows what’s best for mankind and will bring it about! These peasants are mere jailbreakers and thieves! How has it come to be that Doom is numbered among their ranks!”
And like Sandman’s sitting there going “Dude, I just... I steal shit. Sometimes I team up with guys who also don’t like Spider-Man. Worst thing I ever did was slap an old dude, and I felt really bad about it for weeks. That guy’s been sanctioned by the UN three times and counting for running death camps.”
“The skulls of Doom’s enemies pave the road to a better tomorrow!”
Three guys’ve got their hands up like “We literally just fight the Avengers for kicks. Pretty sure that ain’t even illegal.”
General Ross is sitting there glaring at everyone and going “I’m still a general. I work for the US government. I’m being paid, right now, out of taxpayer funds. You’re all going to super-jail as soon as I get my phone back.”
Everybody’s side-eyeing Kraven like, it’s 2016, bro, stop killing endangered animals for fun, and he’s looking at them like he doesn’t even know what to say to someone if it’s not about hunting.
Wolverine and Deadpool are somewhere in the back, bickering with one of the roster-guys about how it shouldn’t count if the hundreds of dudes you’ve knife-murdered were knife-murdered for good reasons.
It’s just the most demoralizing thing since Osborn got elected president. Super-crime plummets 50% in the next three months as everyone takes some time to reflect on their lives and try to get their shit together.
